So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
