I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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