dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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