I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
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i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Shame - the story of my life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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