Im at strip club and am horny
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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