I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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