The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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