My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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