Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
