I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
