What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
