I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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