with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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