So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize