Your face is a jimmy john
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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