We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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