How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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