guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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