He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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