Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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