I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
