I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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