You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
