i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
