i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
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Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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