brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
