Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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