I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize