I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize