my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
