Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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