Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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