Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
