how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
