i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
