So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
