My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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