So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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