I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
