I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
