I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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