Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
