So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
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So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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