I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
