Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
