just tell him i said nine months
vagina is talking i cant
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
