How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
