why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
