i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
worst night to have a conscience
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I need a beard to bite.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
