can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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