my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
