i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
