I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
