I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
