I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
