she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
