I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
