tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
