I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he had hair everywhere except his balls
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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