Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
