My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
