So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
