he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
