I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
