two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
