Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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