my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
