i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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