my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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