for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
