Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
