saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
