I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
