Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
