i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
