Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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