oh god the rape fog is back!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
