My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
