guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That's how pantless uber rides happen
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
