what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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