Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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