Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
