Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
