im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
