Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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