dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
