i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
