when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
