So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
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Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
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I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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