I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
