So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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